I felt guilty seeing both of you(heidi & xuan) tdy.

Yes xuan i wanted to talk to you, but still didnt have the courage, so didnt ask you to come over when you looked over while walking by, I'm Sorry.
& i'm a coward alright.
Heidi, i cant even face you at all. I'm just running away at the sight of seeing your face. A number of times i see you turning over, duhs i dunno where you looking at, but i dun even dare to look at you. I'm guilty, seriously guilty. Sorry.

Just trying to use the ciggs to numb myself. I dunno wat i'm doing now either, so many ppl are getting so disappointed in me.
Jasmin ; my superior
Jingyi ; my dearest hobbit meimei
Zhiyin ; my gina
Hweeyi ; SV
Victoria ; SV
Irene ; SV
Joanna ; SV

all of them didn't wanted me to smoke.
All discourages me.
& this fucking attitude of mine pissed them off. I argued with my own language, i argued without using brains, i scolded back, i screamed and yell back.

I'm wrong. Totally wrong. I shouldn't have done that all all. Especially to Jasmin, i know you really care for me, all this while, i shouldn't have shouted back at you no matter how foul was my mood. I'm sorry, really srry, you still replied my msges, showering me with more care & concern, it made me feel even more guilty. I'm Sorry.

Meimei, thanks for accompanying me this few days, esp when i'm super down in mood, and you're arn't any better in your mood too, yet you nvr fail to make me burst out laughing in the middle of my sadness. You've threatened me asking me to stop smoking, i will. Not for yr sake only, but for the good of myself and for having to keep you there to entertain me. 5years, it passed so fast. everyyear we meet ONCE. Just this once. Thanks for it. I hope that you'ld cheer up too. I'll be here for you too. Thanks & Sorry to disappoint you.

I felt the most unfair for my ahma, she doesn't smoke at all, YET she get Lung cancer?! like wtf. Omg la. it's so unfair to her. I dunno. i dun understand, why and how she got that. It's being diagnosed as lung cancer by the doctors, and she only left with days counting, and i do not wan to mention the number of days, as i really hope the day wouldn't come. And i really hope it doesn't. Ahma, i'll miss you, really. (with tears flowing, you reminds me of how you've taken care of us since young, how you've been always there to sayang us when we get beaten up by parents when young, how you're always always there to console us, to talk to us whenever we're down.) ahma, dun leave us. we really need you. You will recover, yes you will & you must. -loves

Seriously i've been trying to numb myself with ciggs.
& i jolly well know i shouldn't.

*Self-Reflections




Official posting:

Broke a record of 28 Couriers. From the previous max number of 24 within a day, and tdy broke it at 26. just tdy.
Said's Bike down again. 7 Jobs were affected, but called CM for rescheduling.
HOpe that others that weren't affected will be successful.